Posts Tagged ‘sisters


monkey off my back

Many of you already know this, but for those of you that don’t, my sister is dating Derek’s brother. Yes, we are dating brothers – I know, I know…it’s like Darlene and Becky on Rosanne.

Derek and I have been dating for many, many years (almost seven). He is close with his family – and I am close with mine. Over the years, we have grown very attached to the other’s family. I know it sounds cliché, but I think of his family as mine. I love his parents and adore his brothers. They’ve become a big part of my life. As you can imagine, it felt weird and incestuous when one of them started dating my sister.

They have been dating for over two years now. When it first happened, I thought it was funny; I laughed it off. I thought it wouldn’t last, but it soon became apparent that it wasn’t just a fling. I’m embarrassed to say that I began feeling very weird about it. I was so conflicted. On the one hand, I was thrilled that they were both happy. On the other hand, I felt cheated. I lost part of my sister. I couldn’t talk to her about “sisterly things” because I was nervous she would tell him. Plus they were constantly encroaching on my space. They were everywhere. At Derek’s parent’s house – they were there. At my parent’s house – they were there. Holidays. Birthdays. Parties. You name it – they were there. Were they trying to be us? For a long time, I felt conflicted and confused. I constantly had this pang of guilt for being selfish. They were happy, how could I be so self-centered?

I’m proud to announce that I’m officially ok with it. I’m not even sure when it happened – but I am. Today, I was watching them interact and they seem so happy – it warmed my heart. I’m realizing all of the positive things that come with it. My sis and I always get to spend holidays together. She understands Derek’s family dynamics. And most importantly, they are both happy and in love.

Ultimately, I’m not sure what will happen with them – only time will tell. But, I can tell you that it feels great to have that monkey off my back. Hooray!


two stories of sisterhood

Last week while on vacation, I read two books The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory and After Long Silence by Helen Fremont. These books are both very different. They take place in different centuries and they detail different tragedies, but they do have one common theme. They are each narrated by a sister and they each explore the relationship between sisters.

The Other Boleyn Girl is about the friendship, loyalty and betrayal between two sisters. “We’re sisters. And therefore born rivals.” It portrays sisterhood as a constant struggle of love, devotion and competition.

After Long Silence tells a different story of sisterhood.  A story that explores two sisters who thought they were very different growing up and who come to realize they have more in common than they thought. They discover they need each other.  “Lara and I were opposites in every way until we grew up, left home, and discovered that we were more alike than we’d thought. Sisters only get to be opposites within the family, separated by the world, they become practically identical.” I love this quote and I agree with it completely. Encompassed by the unique setting of family life – each child has to differentiate themselves.

I have a younger sister. In my experience, sisterhood hasn’t been a competition, nor have we ever doubted our need for each other. I have been lucky. Our relationship has morphed throughout the years, but it has always provided companionship, love and support. Yes, there have been hard times. I think much of my experience stems from my role as the eldest. Naturally, I’ve always been compelled to protect and guide her. I haven’t always understood her decisions, and I’m sure there have been times where she’s resented me for constantly butting in. Now that we are both adults, I have to be confident that she will make the right decisions for herself. And celebrate with her when they work out. And console her when they don’t.

Everyone’s version of sisterhood varies. I’m sure my sister’s story is different from mine. But I will say that my version doesn’t follow The Other Boleyn Girl or After Long Silence. It’s my own story – maybe someday I’ll have a chance to tell it.

a blog for anyone, but mostly for me.