Posts Tagged ‘friendship


wednesday night dinners.

As many of you know, in the fall, winter and spring, we have Wednesday Night Dinners (WND) with our friends Stacy and Andre. The concept started because the winters around here are so depressing and we wanted something to look forward to during the week. Basically, we alternate cooking dinners for eachother every Wednesday. It’s safe to say that we’ve sharpened our cooking and eating skills! I have to admit, I’m a little sad that we’ve just finished season 3 (our third year of WND), and we’re moving into the season finales. For the season finales, each couple chooses their favorite dinner that the other couple made. Season Finale Part 1 is this Saturday at Stacy and Andre’s house. For our last supper, we chose their April 6th dinner. I promise to post photos of the two upcoming Season Finales, but in the meantime I thought you might want to see all of the meals we made this year. Derek and I got much more creative as the season went on! Also, click on the following links for last year’s season final #1 dinner and season finale #2 dinner.

Thanks Stacy and Dre for a great season!


today in the car…

Derek: We get along really well, huh?

Me: Yeah, I think so! We better; we’re getting married in 3 months.

Derek: It’s just that I’ve never been friends with someone for ten
years (let alone roommates) and not gotten tired of them.

Me: That’s how you know this is gonna be good!

Me: <<Big smile and warm fuzzy feeling inside>>


their daughter’s daughters.

Over the weekend, we remembered, mourned and celebrated the life of a wonderful woman.  She was taken entirely too early and my heart is absolutely broken for the family that she has left behind. Although I felt like I knew her very well, the truth is I didn’t. In total, I probably spent less than a combined 40 hours with her. Most of my knowledge of her is second-hand. But I felt and still feel like I know her very well. I’ve heard the story of her wedding day, and her gnocchi making techniques. I know her hobbies and that she loved Neil Diamond. I know her parenting tactics and her family traditions. I know her in the way that close adult friends know their friend’s parents, thru sharing many, many, many stories.

One thing is for sure – she will not be forgotten. Her family and friends will treasure and protect her memory forever. Remarkable people live on through everyone they touch and she is a testament to that. She leaves behind an incredible legacy: 3 amazing daughters who are strong, warm, accomplished women.  And her daughters will go on to raise their own amazing daughters. And their daughters will raise amazing daughters. And she will live on.

She had many lessons to teach, but there is one in particular that I love and I’d like to share. It’s something she has successfully instilled in her youngest daughter and it’s one of the many reasons I love and adore her…

Don’t ever pass up an opportunity to celebrate, commemorate, give praise or throw a party. Life’s accomplishments and milestones are meant to celebrate. Holidays are important; spend the extra time and make it special. Decorate. Give gifts. Eat. Drink. Make memories. Honor traditions.



Dear Karen –

I started drafting this letter in my head last week when I learned of the tragic news, but tonight I realized that I’ve been drafting it for the past nine years.  I have few regrets in my life – true regrets.  But I have a few that involve you. And now I’m too late to make it right. My opportunity is gone, because you are gone.

Karen, I am so sorry that I wasn’t more upfront with you and I’m sorry that you had to find out from someone else. I should have told you myself. I knew that you would be heartbroken that we were dating, and I wasn’t even sure if it was going anywhere. Why upset you if it turned out to be nothing? I realize now how selfish that was.  I tried to apologize at the time, but I’m not sure you really heard me.

More than that though, I will never forgive myself for not fighting harder for our friendship. I let you just slip out of my life. Friends have fights and hurt each other all the time; it happens. We had fought before and recovered. Maybe it was because I was in San Diego, and you were in Bellingham. Maybe it was because you weren’t over him. Maybe it was because we were both too stubborn. Whatever it was, it happened – our friendship dissolved. And I didn’t fight for us. And for that, I’m truly sorry.

I think about how things should have been different for you. I’m not narcissistic enough to think that this event somehow changed your life or really impacted it very much at all. I know you were fighting bigger demons – but WHAT IF? What if we had stayed friends?  Would you still have lost your way? Could I have made a difference? Or helped you to love yourself more? I’ll never know.

I don’t have a high school memory that doesn’t include you. So many memories – so many laughs. We sure had fun. We were so young, but thought we were so old. I’m a better person for having known you. I hope your son will remember how passionate, vibrant and beautiful you were.

We were going to see the pyramids together. Someday I’ll make it there for you. I hope you have found peace.



to my friend…

I have a good friend who is going through something unimaginable. Truly life altering. I want to protect her privacy, so I won’t give away any details. But I assure you that her situation is heart wrenching.

While you might not know my friend, you probably know someone like her. Upbeat, strong and selfless. She would give you the shirt off her back…without question. And if the situation was reversed, she would know exactly what to do for me and how to console me. But the truth is, I don’t know what to do for her. I’m at a loss. I guess this post is my pathetic attempt to tell her how much I love her and how much I’m thinking about her.

If you are reading this, I want you to know how much I love you and admire your strength. Although we aren’t as close as we used to be – I still consider you to be one my closest and dearest friends. Derek and I will always be here for you. Always. My heart aches for you and I pray for a positive outcome to the situation you are faced with right now. I’m optimistic that everything will unfold as it should. I love you.


same but different.


We both love coffee and tea equally.

We both consider camping one of our favorite activities.

We both like riding bikes – although me more recently than you.

We both enjoy gardening and seeing our edible plants grow.

We each have a strong appreciation and love for the pacific northwest.

We both enjoy playing games.

We both value family and friends.

We are both very loyal to each other.

We both have outgoing personalities.

We both enjoy going out to dinner and cooking. Dinner is an event.


You detest products and bottles on the bathroom counter. I loathe junk on the kitchen counter, taking over all of the cooking space.

I enjoy watching TV, you don’t.

I brush my teeth with hot water. You, cold water.

You like beer – I prefer wine.

I am a fast reader. You, not so much.

You are a good sweeper and you don’t mind it – I hate sweeping.

I prefer my showers scalding hot – you like yours luke warm.

I can tolerate a messy house for a few days but I quickly become agitated and anxious. I’m not sure if it even bugs you.

You are skilled photographer and you have a keen eye for composition. My pics are predictable and uninspiring.

You eat soup with a big spoon; I opt for a smaller one.

Although I do LOVE salty and crunchy snacks like chips, I don’t like my food over-salted and buttered. I don’t. And I don’t understand why this salt-thing is such a point of contention for you. It makes my hands swollen and I retain buckets of water. It’s uncomfortable. It has nothing to do with you personally – I don’t like it when anyone over-salts my food. You don’t eat ground meat, so I stopped cooking it. I don’t make you eat it.

I am bossy in the kitchen – fine, I’ll own it. I think my way is the best way. But you are a taker-overer. If you don’t like how I’m doing something, you’ll take over. You can also be a KIA (know-it-all).

We aren’t the same. We have a lot in common, but we aren’t the same. That’s what makes us work. The good news is that we agree more than we disagree. And we agree on the big things. After eight years (Sunday is our eight year anniversary), there’s no one I’d rather disagree with.

I’m sorry we got in a stupid fight tonight. One thing we definitely both have in common is a mean case of the HUNGRY ANGRIES. I’m sorry. I love you.

Oh, and I don’t throw items in the recycle bin without removing the caps just to make you mad. I promise.


box o’ treasures.

I’m not much of a pack rat. Unnecessary clutter makes me a little anxious. Even if I wanted to be – my apartment wouldn’t allow for it. I keep very few “keepsakes” – it’s just not my style. Last week while visiting my mom, she informed my sister and me that we each had a box of high school stuff to take with us. Reluctantly I carted it home, assuming it was all junk. These are items I haven’t looked at or missed in many, many years.

The box sat in my bedroom for a week untouched. Finally, I had the time to dig through it and it was like opening a window to my past.  There are a couple things worth noting and reflecting on.

#1 My generation spent way too much time writing notes. Today’s high school kids send texts; we wrote notes. Lengthy notes with bright colored pens, varied fonts and intricate folding schemes. It’s funny, because reading through them now as an adult, it was clear that the content was far less important than the presentation. Of course, some of them held juicy secrets, but most of them were the equivalent of a meaningless doodle, a means to pass the time. Now, I wish I could collect all the notes from my girlfriends. I would organize them and publish them into a book – chronicling the defining, shaping and “important” events of our young lives from each of our unique perspectives.

#2 Digging through all my high school artifacts, I was both humored and humiliated by my self-perception. I was naively grown-up and painfully confident.

#3 I had an amazing group of girlfriends –full of life, supportive, loving and unfailing. Undoubtedly, they helped to form my ideas of friendship and relationships in general. We laughed, we cried, we fought (rarely) and then we laughed some more. I’ve been fortunate my entire life to have amazing girlfriends.  Sometimes it makes me sad that we all aren’t as close as we used to be. Part of me feels deeply guilty and responsible for not making more of an effort, and part of me isn’t convinced that it would have made much of a difference. We still keep in touch, but it’s not the same. We have grown-up and we have pushed our own paths.  Nonetheless, I miss them fiercely.

Against my natural instincts to purge anything I haven’t used in a year, I decided to keep the box o’ treasures.


peeking on facebook.

I know I’m going to anger all you facebookers out there, but I have a confession. I’ve used Derek’s account to peek on facebook – twice. And I like it. I feel super sneaky. For years I have resisted myspace and facebook and for the past 3 months I’ve been toying with the idea of succumbing and joining. But I feel like I’m cheating on myself. I have several reasons for not wanting to join:

Reason #1: I hate (and this applies to my blog), when people think that online readership/viewing equals a real friendship. It doesn’t. In my opinion, you can’t have a meaningful relationship on facebook. Yes, it’s a great tool to keep updated but it doesn’t replace face time or even phone time. You can’t assume that because you read my blog that you know what’s going on with me. You know what I’ve chosen to share with the blogosphere. Same thing goes with facebook/myspace.

Reason #2: Social networking sites kind of feel like a popularity contest. The goal is to get as many friends as you can.

Reason #3: I keep telling myself I don’t have time to keep up a blog AND a facebook account. And I don’t. I don’t want to be online anymore than I already am.

Reason #4: I feel awkward situations coming on where I feel the need to accept invites from people I haven’t seen in 6 years. What is the appropriate way to handle this? Just accept everyone? I can see why some people have so many friends if this is the protocol.

All of these reasons are good, but they still don’t negate my two main attractions to facebook. 1) I like looking at all the photos. 2) I feel like I’m missing out – I wanna play too!

What’s a girl to do?


sake bombs and dots

It all started with a bottle of champagne and some funny China stories. We were all happy to be celebrating Friday, happy to be celebrating Halloween and all around just happy to be together and hanging out. After all, it had been more than 4 weeks since we’d all hung out; the 4 of us had a lot of catching up to do!

One bottle of champagne, one glass of wine, two flaming sake bombs, three martinis and two Sophia champagne cans later – we were lit up like Christmas trees. And the guys weren’t drinking. None of us were dressed up – and none of us had planned on dressing up. But when we got home from sushi, that’s not what S wanted to hear. As we walked up to my apartment, she couldn’t help but notice that my neighbor was having a Halloween party. The second we get in the apartment, S starts digging through my bins to find costumes for everyone. She is dead-set on going out in her witch costume (thrown together in about 2 minutes). Nonchalantly, I tell her that if she finds me 5 boxes of dots I’ll go to my neighbor’s party with her. Oh geez. The second the words are out of my mouth – I wish I could swallow them. I knew this was going to be bad. She quickly turns on her heel and marches out of the apartment. Less than 5 minutes later she storms back in and throws 6 boxes of dots at me. C’MON NOW – YOU PROMISED.

So, like any good friend, I squeeze into an old ladybug costume. And I mean squeeze! I looked like a woman clinging to her youth – stuffed into a costume that is only appropriate if you’re a size 0 and 15 years old. I looked ridiculous. I knew it at the time, but I was too drunk to care. We had a party to go to – and off we went.

You may be wondering, where did S get those dots? Well, she did what any drunk girl would do…she marched into the neighbor’s house…let herself in…found their candy bowl…got the dots…and ran out. You also may be wondering, Kindra, do you know your neighbors? Were you invited to this party? No, I was not invited. I have never been invited to any of his parties. I have never even been in his house. I also failed to tell you the most important detail – my neighbor is also my landlord. EEEEEKK!

We proceed to let ourselves into my landlord’s house. There aren’t very many people there- so two drunk girls are very noticeable (not to mention that we are the youngest people in the room…by far). We march around the house for a couple minutes like we own the place and then my landlord walks up to me and says, “uh…hey Kindra. This is a surprise.” NO CRAP. At this point things start to get very awkward. He’s obviously not drinking and we…well, we definitely are. In fact, he caught us at his bar. Oh geez!! How old are we?

I’m just going to pretend like this never happened. Ha!


Fun weekend in Seattle

After a fun filled weekend, my gal pals are gone. I miss them already, Seattle seems lonelier without them. We had SO much fun together! Highlights include:

  • Thursday Night: Dinner at the Pink Door to Celebrate Erin P’s birthday. Drinks followed at Kells.
  • Friday Night: A fun filled evening playing board games: specifically True Colors. True Colors is a really great game for people who know each other well – and who don’t get hurt feelers easily. SO MUCH FUN!
  • Saturday Afternoon: Shopped downtown. Lunch at Purple Café.
  • Saturday Night: Sushi and Sake Bombs at Shiku. It was my first time there and it was wonderful. Two thumbs up! Delicious sushi, creative drinks and attentive service! I’ll be back there for sure (although I’m hoping they’ll start taking reservations). After several hours at Shiku, we migrated over to the Ballard Loft.
  • Sunday: Girls left. Football, laundry and pumpkin carving at Stacy and Andre’s house!

I’ll post a few weekend pics soon!


july 28th

What does July 28th mean to you? Perhaps you recall that on this day Peru declared its independence from Spain in 1821. Or that in 1540, this was the day that Thomas Cromwell was executed. Or that in 1929 this is the day that Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was born. Maybe you remember that it was on this day in 2002 that Lance Armstrong won his fourth straight Tour de France.

July 28 is a very special day indeed. Because 26 years ago, my best friend was born. My companion. My perfect compliment. I am forever indebted to the stork that delivered him – her name is Anita. Some people spend their entire life searching for their Derek – but I found mine seven years ago. Together we have developed a bond that is unusually solid, incredibly special and fulfilling beyond words. I am so lucky and so grateful!

So, here’s to you on your 26th birthday Derek. I hope it’s a great one. I love you!


peaks and valleys

I’ll admit it – things are going really well for me lately. I haven’t felt this good in a long time. I’m really enjoying my new job – it’s a new position to navigate through. There are new colleagues to figure out and it’s a new industry to explore. I’m totally loving the challenge. On the home front – I’m still madly in love with Derek and I’m ecstatic about our new living arrangement. I’ve been keeping busy soaking up the great weather, checking the progress of our garden and I’m getting my creative fix through reading incredible books and experimenting with new recipes.

While I’m basking in my newfound love for life, I think Derek is struggling. He seems a little “off” – he doesn’t have the usual bounce to his step. It’s probably not noticeable to anyone except me – and it tugs at my heart to see him down. I believe there are a few contributing factors, none of which I feel comfortable sharing on his behalf.

I feel a little guilty about being so happy right now, while I know he’s not. I know it’s ridiculous, but I can’t help it. Couples experience their peaks and valleys and so do individuals. I think as a couple we are in peak – but individually I am on Mt. McKinley and he is down in a valley. I’m going to give myself a piece of advice: Count your blessings and be grateful. Don’t forget to be extra supportive and understanding.


salt & vinegar

The other day, a coworker bought me a much needed mid-day snack. She walked up to my desk and said, “I got these Kettle Salt & Vinegar chips because they perfectly describe you.” As you can imagine, I was anxious to read the description. What could I have in common with a bag of chips? Saturated fat? Makes loud crunching noise? Greasy? I did not like where this was headed.

I snatched the bag from her hands. On the bag, in big bold letters it said “unconventionally STRONG and tangy”. I honestly think it’s one of the best compliments I’ve ever received – it’s perfect!


two stories of sisterhood

Last week while on vacation, I read two books The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory and After Long Silence by Helen Fremont. These books are both very different. They take place in different centuries and they detail different tragedies, but they do have one common theme. They are each narrated by a sister and they each explore the relationship between sisters.

The Other Boleyn Girl is about the friendship, loyalty and betrayal between two sisters. “We’re sisters. And therefore born rivals.” It portrays sisterhood as a constant struggle of love, devotion and competition.

After Long Silence tells a different story of sisterhood.  A story that explores two sisters who thought they were very different growing up and who come to realize they have more in common than they thought. They discover they need each other.  “Lara and I were opposites in every way until we grew up, left home, and discovered that we were more alike than we’d thought. Sisters only get to be opposites within the family, separated by the world, they become practically identical.” I love this quote and I agree with it completely. Encompassed by the unique setting of family life – each child has to differentiate themselves.

I have a younger sister. In my experience, sisterhood hasn’t been a competition, nor have we ever doubted our need for each other. I have been lucky. Our relationship has morphed throughout the years, but it has always provided companionship, love and support. Yes, there have been hard times. I think much of my experience stems from my role as the eldest. Naturally, I’ve always been compelled to protect and guide her. I haven’t always understood her decisions, and I’m sure there have been times where she’s resented me for constantly butting in. Now that we are both adults, I have to be confident that she will make the right decisions for herself. And celebrate with her when they work out. And console her when they don’t.

Everyone’s version of sisterhood varies. I’m sure my sister’s story is different from mine. But I will say that my version doesn’t follow The Other Boleyn Girl or After Long Silence. It’s my own story – maybe someday I’ll have a chance to tell it.


work friends

Let’s be honest.  Work is work.  Sometimes the work is exciting and fulfilling. And sometimes the work is boring and mundane.  But at the end of the day, it’s still work.  You wouldn’t be there 8+ hours a day for free.

But, since you have to be there for the majority of your day, shouldn’t you like your team? This evening, I had drinks with a couple work friends and it reminded me of how much I like the people I work with. Talk about a group of smart, capable and REALLY witty people – love them. Work friends are so important – they keep us sane. They play a different role than “outside” friends. In fact, sometimes you see your work friends more than your “outside” friends. Work friends understand the company dynamics and individual personalities. They provide an outlet for venting. A reason to laugh. And an excuse to take a break.  For me, it’s the people that make work enjoyable – hearing their stories, living their drama and celebrating their successes.  Even though today was an especially hectic work day, I feel lucky because I work with such fabulous people.



Change is a weird thing. I’m sure everyone can relate to this. Perhaps it’s your brother, daughter or childhood friend.  A loved one who chose a life path that shocked you. The path you least expected. They “changed”.  

I recently met up with a friend who has morphed into a woman that I could have never predicted.  She has changed. Certainly not in a bad way – just different from what I expected. After our meeting I started wondering, how could she change so much? Is she betraying herself?

When I see her, I feel like nothing has changed. Same easy laugh. Same sparkling eyes. And the same warm heart. We slip into our familiar banter easily as if no time has passed at all. As if we were still best friends.  But in reality, a lot has changed for us both. We live very different lives.  She has chosen a path that feels foreign and extreme to me.  And conversely, I’m sure my life seems unfulfilling and slightly trivial to her. Despite that, we remain friends. We can still relate to one another.  We have changed and yet we are still the same. 

After much thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that she hasn’t “changed”. Life isn’t black and white – there is a lot of gray mixed in there. This lifestyle and these beliefs have always been a part of her. But until recently she was suppressing them and hadn’t made room for them. She had allowed other facets of her personality to reign over her.  She hasn’t changed; she is just allowing a different part of her to shine through.

I’ve decided that it’s possible to “change” without denying or betraying oneself, because it’s not really changing. Rather it’s allowing different ideals, goals, and personality traits come forward and develop. People are complex. We each harbor our own conflicting beliefs, inconsistent personality traits and mismatched priorities. As we move through life, different versions of ourselves emerge – some of these versions are predictable and some of them are unexpected.

*A special note to “my friend”: I know you read my blog and I’m sure you’ve deduced that you inspired this entry. I hope I didn’t offend you in any way – I hold you in the highest regard and value our friendship.  I’m so happy for you and I trust that you have chosen the right path for yourself.


today, i’m thankful for…

Today I’m thankful for…

  •  Stacy and Andre. They allow me to treat their home like a restaurant and laundry mat. I’m thankful for their friendship and generosity.
  • My old pal Janelle who brought wine and tulips last night. Old friends are important and I’m thankful that we’ve kept close.
  • A quick call from my sis to tell me I was being ridiculous. I’m thankful for her sincerity and honesty.
  • 10 cups of coffee, a yummy brunch and three hours of conversation with Shelby. I miss seeing her every day, but I’m thankful we were able to catch up this morning in Ballard.
  • My temperamental friend, the sun, who was gracious enough to make an appearance in Seattle today. I’m thankful for her rays and cheery disposition.
  • My boyfriend who told me today that I make him proud. I’m thankful for his constant support and words of encouragement.

a blog for anyone, but mostly for me.