Posts Tagged ‘dogs

17
Apr
11

dogs.

I’d like to preface this post with the following:

1)      I am not the Grinch. I do have a heart.

2)      Growing up we had two dogs, Sammy and Trixie Melin.

3)      In 3rd grade, I was walking to my piano teacher’s house for my lesson and a big, stray, black dog latched onto my ass and bit me. When my piano teacher’s husband found out, he marched out of the house with his rifle and shot the dog.

4)      To be clear, I do not hate dogs. I like dogs. I hate dog owners who are stupid.

I am sure that I’m going to get slaughtered with hate mail for this post, but I don’t care. Here it goes. I really wish people would be more considerate and not force their dogs on me. There is a reason why I don’t own a dog, I don’t want one. Here is my list of grievances.

1)      Fenced dogs that bark all day while the owners are at work. Could there be anything more obnoxious and nerve-rattling? Why do I have to listen to your dog bark all day?

2)      Owners who think that the “All dogs must be leashed” signs don’t apply to them. Umm…can you read? Inevitably, the unleashed dog heads right for me. The owners smile and say, “Oh, he’s friendly.” Thanks. I didn’t ask. The sign doesn’t say “All unfriendly dogs must be leashed.”

3)      Pooping dogs. It is so awkward when you’re walking down the sidewalk and a dog is taking giant dump right next to it. It’s just gross and totally awkward. I don’t want to watch ANYTHING take a huge crap. And I know the owners are embarrassed too because they always avert their eyes and pretend to be really interested in the nearby shrubbery. EWW. And then they have to pick it up in a baggie and you know it’s still warm. EWWW.

4)      Dogs in grocery stores or restaurants (service dogs aside). This is just completely unacceptable and wrong on so many levels. First of all, I don’t want to smell wet dog or hear barking while I’m picking out my produce thank you very much. Second of all, I think it’s dangerous. What if I’m allegoric to dogs? Or what if your dog bites a child? It’s becoming so common in Seattle that I’m tempted to get into a fight with a dog at Safeway so that I can sue the hell out of Safeway. Then they’ll have to change (or start enforcing) their dog policies.

And Ams, I DO brake for puppies! 🙂

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