Posts Tagged ‘aging


i’m THAT lamo.

I distinctly remember when the Fugees came out with the song “Killing me Softly”. I think it was the summer between 7th and 8th grade and I LOVED it (like play-it-on-repeat “loved it”).  Every time it came on the radio, every adult would say “oh, this version is not nearly as good as the original”. Unfailingly. And I’d roll my eyes and think, “You’re so lame. That version is so old school, you don’t know anything.”

Someone has made the unfortunate decision to remake the movie “Footloose”. I haven’t seen it, but based on the LAME movie trailer, I can pretty much guarantee that it pales in comparison to the original version. And there you have it. I’ve become one of THOSE people. Old.  It reminds me of the day I made a causal reference to the movie “Clueless” and my stepsister (who is only 8 or 9 years younger than me) looked at me with a complete blank stare. She’d never seen “Clueless”. Excuse me? Isn’t that a classic? That’s like saying you’ve never seen “The Sound of Music”. Just call me the lame, old lady.

On a completely unrelated note, I just realized that my last two posts have been about movie trailers. I think this is a sign I’m watching too much TV, or I need to buck up for DVR.


where did it go?

There is a distinct point in everyone’s life where you realize they were right. You never thought the day would come. Up until this point, you didn’t understand. You couldn’t relate. When the topic arose, you’d smile and nod in agreement, but not really comprehend the concept. Despite all logic and your brain telling you it would, you never ACTUALLY thought it would happen to you. It’s what happens to other people.

And then it does and you realize they were right. All of the sudden, you get it. It hits you like a ton of bricks. Time DOES fly by. It DOES feel like only yesterday. And I’m no spring chicken.

My moment of realization came last week as I was getting ready for my 10 year high school reunion and it about knocked the flat iron right out of my little hands. It seems impossible that I’ve been out of high school for a decade. How is this happening? Girlfriends, boyfriends, prom, volleyball, powder-puff football, lacrosse, dances, slumber parties, drivers licenses and generally feeling like an invincible bad-ass. It feels like it was only a couple years ago, but not TEN. Ten years is a long time. It’s not necessarily that I’m saying I’m old or that I don’t want to get old. It’s that I’ve had the realization that I WILL get old and that I’m on my way. It’s kind of sad and disappointing. I imagine this is how I felt when I learned about Santa. Although given the fact that I don’t remember that, I’d say this is worse.


the lonely and forgotten.

I’m scared of a lot of things. Some fears are pretty typical: rapists, murders, cancer, car accidents and family/friends dying (I know, I know, I’ve watched too many episodes of Law and Order SVU).  But I also have less “normal” fears – one of them is getting old. I’m not talking about turning 40, 50 or even 60. I’m not talking about getting old in the conventional sense. This has nothing to do with age, vanity, or mid-life crises. I’m talking about getting REALLY old. The kind of old where people stop noticing you. Stop paying attention to you. Where you are widowed, lonely, helpless. Incompetent. Obsolete. Alone.

I think about it constantly. Every time I see an old man or woman alone riding the bus, or buying groceries, I am reminded that this could someday be my fate and that it is the reality of so many people. It tugs at my heart and leaves me feeling worried. I ponder their bleak options. 1) Stay alone in their home which they can’t manage anymore. 2) Move in with one of their children where they constantly feel like a burden and disruption. 3) Move into a retirement home/assisted living facility where they are placated like a child and herded like a cow. None of these options sounds good.

I’m scared of being old and taken advantage of. Of feeling lost and confused. Of being lonely. And of losing my ability to care for myself. How do the elderly cope with this? I think it’s more than I could handle.

Sometimes I think about volunteering at a retirement or nursing home – but I always talk myself out of it. I’m afraid I’ll confirm my worst fear – that life plateaus and eventually starts going downhill.

a blog for anyone, but mostly for me.