Archive Page 2

16
May
12

brachial plexus.

I feel like I have to blog about this topic because it weighs on me constantly. And as much as I try to push it out of my head, I’m reminded of it all too frequently.

During my labor with Jolie, I damaged my right brachial plexus which is a very important network of nerves. The brachial plexus runs from your spine under your collar bone and is responsible for the nerves that power your arm. Somehow, by some freak of nature, I managed to stretch mine during labor. The result is that I can’t move my right arm. I can bend it at the elbow, but can’t lift it up or out to the side. And now the muscles have atrophied. It is very uncommon to suffer this kind of injury during labor and thus it took a really long time to diagnose the problem. Most people who suffer brachial plexus injuries are in car accidents or have suffered football injuries. The good news is that it looks like the nerves are regenerating. The bad news is that it will take more than a year for me to regain full mobility. It’s already been 5 months and I’m not even close to being fully rehabbed despite hours of physical therapy, massage, chiropractor, acupuncture and neurology appointments.

As you can imagine, this has made life a little difficult. And even more than the physical limitations, it’s depressing. Anyone who has had to complete physical therapy exercises can relate that it’s hard to make time for them and it’s hard to stay motivated. The progress is extremely slow and the injury can be pretty painful at times.

When I start to feel sorry for myself, I try to remind myself that it could be way worse. And all signs are pointing to an eventual recovery. In the meantime, I just try to stay positive and keep focused.

15
May
12

ten reasons I hate my blackberry.

  1. I do not understand why they bother having a web browser app (or any app for that matter) because trying to view a website is a slow and frustrating task. I swear it takes minutes to pull up a website. No thanks. I’d rather chew my arm off.
  2. There is absolutely no “cool” factor to it. In fact, I think I probably get negative “cool points” for having one.
  3. Blackberry should have gone out of business 5 years ago. Given the current mobile technology, it’s WAY behind the times. My guess is that corporate companies (like mine) keep blackberry in business. WHY?!?!
  4. I have major app envy. Pandora, word with friends, amazon, skype, allrecipes…sigh…in my dreams.
  5. It drops calls like crazy. I understand that this could be a network problem but I know other people who have the same network and their phones don’t drop calls.
  6. It’s embarrassing to have one. When out in public, I try to keep mine concealed as much as possible. I might as well be carrying around a walk-man.
  7. The ONLY thing that it’s good for is checking my work email and frankly that’s just not good enough.
  8. Design-wise it’s the most hideous, clunky piece of technology ever. I’d rank it right up there with the Zack Morris cell phone.
  9. The camera is a total piece.
  10. Because I’m so frustrated with Blackberry’s limited functionality, I’m think I’m going to have to buck-up and get a second phone or a tablet. Currently, I’m debating between the ipad 3 or the Samsung galaxy 7.7 tab. If anyone has any thoughts, I’d love to hear them!
09
May
12

jolie’s birth day.

Since mother’s day is approaching, I thought it would be a fitting time to tell the story of how I became a mother. There are no words to describe what a whirlwind Jolie’s birth was. I’ve tried writing this so many times now and I’m really struggling. Nothing I write seems to express how emotional and deeply personal the experience was for me. This is the best I can do…

The evening started off fun! I met Stacy for dinner at Tup Tim Thai and we had a lovely evening catching up! I felt completely fine. Later that evening, I felt a small rush of fluids. Nothing big (a couple tablespoons at best). I just chalked it up to weird pregnancy stuff (which happens a lot). Then it happened again about 20 minutes later. By the 3rd or 4th “rush” I started to get nervous. This just didn’t seem normal. Derek was convinced that I was overreacting, and I figured I probably was too. Regardless, I called the nurse hotline. They told me that it was probably nothing, but that I should come in just to be safe. So we jumped in the car, determined to make it a quick trip.

To my surprise they told me to get comfortable because I would not be leaving the hospital until the baby was born (so much for having a bag packed and being ready)! My water had broke. They explained that in cases of a premature rupture there is increased risk of infection. That being said, it was still important for the baby to stay put and develop. The ideal situation would be for me to hold out until 34 weeks at which point they would induce. However, if I started laboring sooner than 34 weeks they wouldn’t stop it. On Wednesday night when I checked into the hospital I was 32 weeks and 5 days

By 3pm the next day I started going into labor. I was completely panicked – it was too soon. What happened to my week-long hospital stay?!? SCARY! I’m not going to go into too many details here, but I labored and labored and pushed and pushed. And finally after being in labor for 15 hours the doctor determined that I had the wrong pelvis shape to deliver the baby. A c-section was ordered. About 20 minutes later (at 6:23am Friday morning), my beautiful daughter Jolie was born. She surprised us all and tipped the scale at 5lb 2oz and 18 inches which is huge for a 33 week old baby. Jolie spent the next 34 days in the NICU and came home with us on January 18th.

Jolie’s birth and subsequent NICU stay was the single most emotional and trying time in my life. I was completely unprepared for the intense love and deep anxiety that goes along with having a preemie. There is just no way to prepare for it. We were so lucky to have a wonderful medical care team and a strong support system in our friends and family. Thank you to everyone who called, texted, visited, prayed, etc – we are eternally grateful. I do have a couple people I’d like to thank individually.

Dr. Cricket Davenport (OBGYN) and Dr. Andrew Beckstrom (Neonatologist) – Thank you for your compassion and strong leadership. When you’re faced with traumatic situations, you want confident and competent doctors – which you were. We deeply appreciated you taking control of the situation while carefully explaining what was happening to us. Thank you for delivering my healthy baby girl.

Barb the NICU Nurse – There will always be a place in my heart for you. You were the first person who let me hold my daughter and you were our biggest advocate to release Jolie from the NICU. You were always there with words of encouragement, practical advice and hugs when we needed them. I will forever be grateful to you.

My sister – I will never be able to thank you enough for your support. Sitting with me by Jolie’s crib for hours. Keeping me company. Driving me around. Making me eat. Listening to me cry (which I’m sure got old).Celebrating her milestones. And snuggling with the boot when I couldn’t be there.  I can honestly say I would have never gotten through it without you.

My mom – Who shows me by example everyday how to be a good mom. We are so thankful for all your constant love and support.

Derek – I didn’t think it was possible to love you more than I did, but I do. I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive and involved husband. You were such a pillar of strength for me – never once getting frustrated with my never-ending flood of tears. My heart grows every time I see you with our daughter; she adores you. And we are both lucky to have you.

Jolie – My sweet baby boots. You are so amazing – thank you for being such a fighter!  You have brought so much joy to our lives and I cannot imagine life without you. I’m excited to see you experience all the wonderful things that life has to offer. I’m honored to be your mother.

Here are some of Jolie’s first photos. She looks so different now, it’s hard to believe she was ever so small and fragile.

04
May
12

i’m back.

After much internal debate, I’ve decided to continue to blog. Even though I’m really short on time (and sleep) these days, it seems worth it. I love having a record of my life. Being able to look back and reflect on all the good times.  That being said, it’s a little daunting now that so much time has passed. How do I possibly sum up the last 5 months?!?  Where do I start?

I guess I’ll just jump right in. On December 16th, we had a baby! Her name is Jolie and I absolutely adore her. I’m brimming with love and beaming with pride. The story of her birth is something that I want to record and share, but it’s long and emotional and deserves its own post. I was lucky enough to spend 16 weeks off work with her and I have just recently returned to work. I’m not going to lie – it’s been hard. Part of me is happy to rejoin a world where showers are a daily occurrence and there is activity to stimulate my brain. The other part of me is aching for Jolie. I’m afraid that I’m missing out. Scared that I won’t be the one that she seeks out when she needs comforting. Terrified that someday I may regret the decision to work.  I feel like I’m trying to do a million things and I’m not doing anything well. I could go on and on about this club that I’ve joined – the working mom club. It’s a club that you cannot relate to until you’ve joined.

One thing that has made it easier to return to work is that my  husband is taking 8 weeks off to stay home with the boot. It’s been a much easier transition for me than if we were already taking her daycare. And she LOVES being at home with her dad. But daycare D-day is quickly approaching and is looming in the back of my head. The good news is that Jolie will only be going to daycare 3 days a week and we feel really comfortable and very excited about our daycare situation. I couldn’t be more pleased with the daycare itself – I think it’s going to be perfect.

Over and out for now. It’s good to be back.

28
Nov
11

updates.

I have not posted in SO long, I feel so guilty. And there is simply no excuse. I don’t even know where to begin. Here we go…

  • Only 10 weeks left of being pregnant. I’m getting pretty big and sleep is starting to become a challenge. Overall, the pregnancy has been a breeze. I feel SO lucky! One small blip (at least I’m hoping it’s small), is that my white blood cell count has been elevated for the past month or so. Usually, a high WBC count would indicate some kind of infection, but I feel fine and have no signs of infection. It’s got the doctors stumped and me a little worried. They are sending my results to a hematologist this week to see if they have any useful insights.  
  • We had Thanksgiving at my mom’s house this year. It was delicious and tons of fun. I absolutely LOVE Thanksgiving.
  •  This week is my golden birthday; I turn 30 on the 30th. I decided I’m going to have a much bigger celebration next year for my 31st, since the pregnancy has really put a damper on my drinking.
  • The nursery is coming along nicely. I’ve never put so much thought and effort into decorating a room. But it’s worth it – it’s looking great!  I want her to feel welcomed and have a nice space. Plus, it gives me something to focus on rather than freaking out about the upcoming delivery incessantly.
  • We bought a car – finally! As some of you know, neither of us had “kid friendly” vehicles. I drove a 2 door Honda (not ideal for schlepping a car seat in and out) and Derek drove a 2 door Toyota Tacoma truck.  After a long and thorough search, we ended up with the perfect vehicle for us! Now we just need to sell Derek’s truck!
  • Recently someone asked me if I was going to stay home with my baby. When I said that the baby would be going into daycare after 6 months, this person proceeded to tell me what a bad idea it was because I’m going to miss so much. Gee, I never thought of that. Thanks. I’ll just crawl into a hole and cry myself to sleep.
  •  We started Wednesday Night Dinners a few weeks ago, and it’s been awesome! I LOVE eating. 🙂
30
Oct
11

omg.

96 days until we have a baby! Ok, probably not exactly 96 days, but 96 days until my due date. It’s getting so close I can barely stand it! I hope she’s doing ok. I’m so excited to meet her.

20
Oct
11

books.

While I really did enjoy the novel Uncle Tom’s Cabin, it took me a really long time to get through (basically all summer). I think it was hard because the vernacular was challenging. In some parts I literally had to say the words out-loud to figure out what they were saying. Because I spent so much time getting through that book, I feel like I haven’t read as many books this year. And then today I went to add a few books to my 2011 booklog and I was pleasantly surprised. I don’t mean to pat myself on the back, but I’ve read quite a few books this year! Way to go KB.

On a somewhat related note, I started reading Sarum today (which is supposed to be quite the saga) and I’m a little scared. The story begins with the last ice age. Who starts a story with the ice age and works their way up to 20th century England? Talk about intense. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.




a blog for anyone, but mostly for me.