Author Archive for

22
Jul
12

sigh of relief…

I know, I know, I know. It’s been FOREVER.  I’m just so darn tired and busy in the evenings, blogging always seems to find its way to the back burner. Much of my energy over the last couple weeks has been spent on childcare for Jolie. Unfortunately, she got kicked out of daycare. The bottom line is that she needs a lot of attention and our daycare woman didn’t feel like she could give her that attention. I was devastated when it happened. I really loved the daycare and it was affordable. But ultimately, I had to get over it and move on. Luckily, my sister has been able to bail us out and watch Jolie in the interim. What would I do without her?!?  However I am pleased to announce…drumroll please…I hired a nanny on Friday and she is awesome!! The search is over! It’s a huge relief to me.

Here is a recent photo of my little daycare dropout. 🙂

19
Jun
12

randomness.

It’s been so long since I posted. And I’d really like to post a thoughtful and meaningful entry. But frankly, I’m just too tired to put that much thought into a post right now.  Instead, a laundry list of randomness will have to do.

– Jolie started rolling over last week. It was SO exciting and sad at the same time. It was sad because I missed it – I was working. Of course, she’s rolled over 100 times since then, but I missed the first one. My brain kept telling me “Don’t overreact. It’s not a big deal. There are going to be a million ‘firsts’. Don’t sweat it.” Unfortunately, my heart didn’t agree. I found myself crying at my desk. Absolutely pathetic. At least nobody saw me!

– I continue to be annoyed daily by the idiots of the world. I would be so much happier if we could eliminate cigarette litterers, cops on segways, low-rider cars, traffic and bumper stickers.
Sleep training is going ok. The “cry-it-out” part is getting easier and shorter. But she’s still pretty inconsistent with her sleeping. Last night was a good night, but the night before was a very bad night.
– I LOVE living on Alki. I think it’s one of the most awesome neighborhoods in Seattle. LOVE IT!
– We had a lovely father’s day on Sunday. We had some friends over for brunch and then had the rest of the day to relax. It was perfect!
– Derek, my mom and Kristen sat me down the other day and had an “intervention” for me. For my shoulder. They are worried that I’m not doing my physical therapy and that it’s not getting better and won’t get better. It was all very dramatic and over the top. The truth is that I’m exhausted and the physical therapy takes an hour each night. But, I know that they are right and that I do need to make more of an effort. I’m only hurting myself. In fact, I need to wrap this up so I can get to it.
04
Jun
12

clenched teeth.

It has been an emotionally trying week with Jolie. First of all, we started sleep training on Friday…the cry-it-out method. We started sleep training for two reasons. We’d like her to develop some better self-soothing skills and she needs to start sleeping better throughout the night. She’s waking up WAY too many times throughout the night and we’d like to get her in a better routine. It is so hard to listen to your baby cry. I can’t stand it. My nails are gone. My jaw is tense from clenching it. And I think I’ve developed a twitch. I keep waiting for it to get easier.

The second traumatizing event is that she started daycare today because Derek returned to work. I really love our daycare situation, but it was still hard. Really hard.  I cried after we dropped her off and I felt super anxious all day.  Our daycare owner was SO sweet and compassionate; she even texted me updates and photos throughout the day (see photo below). Clearly Jolie handled it better than me! Hopefully this gets easier.

Update: After 36 minutes of crying, she just fell asleep. Yay!

03
Jun
12

pro/con list.

I hate it when someone suggests making a pro/con list to aid in making a big decision. Unless you’re ten years old, I don’t think the pro/con list is a very helpful tool. In theory, yes, it should work. Make a list of pros, make a list of cons…and see which side has the most points. But there is a flaw. Life is complicated and the pro/con list doesn’t give any weight to each item. You could have 10 cons and 1 pro, but that single pro could be the most important thing in the world and outweigh all of the cons put together. It deserves more than one line! Someone should develop a weighted pro/con list…kind of like a weighted average!

23
May
12

smarty pants.

I promise to post some recent photos of Jolie soon – but I had to share this one! She’s in her aunt’s glasses. It just cracks me up!

23
May
12

saved by the bell trivia.

Today we had a little “Saved by the Bell Trivia” contest. Below are the questions. Do you know the answers?

1) Theme song. Fill in the blanks.

When I wake up in the morning
And the ‘larm gives out a warning
I don’t think I’ll ever make it on time
By the time I grab my books,
And I give myself a look,
I’m at the corner just in time __  ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
It’s alright ”cause I’m saved by the bell

2) What was the name of their hangout spot (restaurant)?

3) What was the mascot of Bayside High School?

4) In one episode, Zack accidentally killed one of Screech’s pets and the gang had a funeral. What kind of pet was it?

5) What does the A.C. stand for in AC Slater?

6) Whose baby did Zack help to deliver in the elevator during an earthquake?

7) What actress played Screech’s girlfriend Violet?

8) What is AC Slater’s nickname for Zack?

9) What was the name of Bayside’s rival school?

10) The summer they all got summer jobs at the Malibu Sands Beach club. One of the characters did not work that summer because his/her parents were members of the club. Who didn’t work?

11) In the made-for-tv movie “wedding special” Zack and Kelly got married. In what city was their wedding?

12) What was the song Jessie Spanno sang in her room while she was addicted to caffeine pills?

22
May
12

signature-collecting, petition-signing, do-gooders.

I don’t mean to sound antisocial or like a hermit but I am getting really tired of the signature-collecting, petition-signing, do-gooders of the world. You know the ones I’m talking about. The people who loiter on the downtown sidewalks and pounce on you the second you accidentally make eye contact and then insist you sign their petition. First of all, has it ever occurred to you that I am on my lunch break and you are wasting precious time? Second of all, if I want to support your cause, I would. On my own terms. In my own way. Last of all, is this really effective? I can’t imagine that you’re getting very many signatures. Nobody ever stops. Can’t you find a more productive way to support your cause?

Last night someone knocked on our door trying to solicit us.I consider this 100% more offensive than the street solicitors. I’m not sure what this man even wanted because we didn’t let him explain. How dare you come to my home and interrupt my precious time with my family (who I already don’t see enough) and try to sell me something or sign something. Go away.  Has ANYONE ever let you into their home to discuss your cause or product? I doubt it. How is it even legal? I think that there should be a do-not-solicit list like there is for telemarketing. Plus, I’m can’t help but think that this guy was probably scoping out our hose so that he can break-in later. Ha! Joke’s on him.

16
May
12

brachial plexus.

I feel like I have to blog about this topic because it weighs on me constantly. And as much as I try to push it out of my head, I’m reminded of it all too frequently.

During my labor with Jolie, I damaged my right brachial plexus which is a very important network of nerves. The brachial plexus runs from your spine under your collar bone and is responsible for the nerves that power your arm. Somehow, by some freak of nature, I managed to stretch mine during labor. The result is that I can’t move my right arm. I can bend it at the elbow, but can’t lift it up or out to the side. And now the muscles have atrophied. It is very uncommon to suffer this kind of injury during labor and thus it took a really long time to diagnose the problem. Most people who suffer brachial plexus injuries are in car accidents or have suffered football injuries. The good news is that it looks like the nerves are regenerating. The bad news is that it will take more than a year for me to regain full mobility. It’s already been 5 months and I’m not even close to being fully rehabbed despite hours of physical therapy, massage, chiropractor, acupuncture and neurology appointments.

As you can imagine, this has made life a little difficult. And even more than the physical limitations, it’s depressing. Anyone who has had to complete physical therapy exercises can relate that it’s hard to make time for them and it’s hard to stay motivated. The progress is extremely slow and the injury can be pretty painful at times.

When I start to feel sorry for myself, I try to remind myself that it could be way worse. And all signs are pointing to an eventual recovery. In the meantime, I just try to stay positive and keep focused.

15
May
12

ten reasons I hate my blackberry.

  1. I do not understand why they bother having a web browser app (or any app for that matter) because trying to view a website is a slow and frustrating task. I swear it takes minutes to pull up a website. No thanks. I’d rather chew my arm off.
  2. There is absolutely no “cool” factor to it. In fact, I think I probably get negative “cool points” for having one.
  3. Blackberry should have gone out of business 5 years ago. Given the current mobile technology, it’s WAY behind the times. My guess is that corporate companies (like mine) keep blackberry in business. WHY?!?!
  4. I have major app envy. Pandora, word with friends, amazon, skype, allrecipes…sigh…in my dreams.
  5. It drops calls like crazy. I understand that this could be a network problem but I know other people who have the same network and their phones don’t drop calls.
  6. It’s embarrassing to have one. When out in public, I try to keep mine concealed as much as possible. I might as well be carrying around a walk-man.
  7. The ONLY thing that it’s good for is checking my work email and frankly that’s just not good enough.
  8. Design-wise it’s the most hideous, clunky piece of technology ever. I’d rank it right up there with the Zack Morris cell phone.
  9. The camera is a total piece.
  10. Because I’m so frustrated with Blackberry’s limited functionality, I’m think I’m going to have to buck-up and get a second phone or a tablet. Currently, I’m debating between the ipad 3 or the Samsung galaxy 7.7 tab. If anyone has any thoughts, I’d love to hear them!
09
May
12

jolie’s birth day.

Since mother’s day is approaching, I thought it would be a fitting time to tell the story of how I became a mother. There are no words to describe what a whirlwind Jolie’s birth was. I’ve tried writing this so many times now and I’m really struggling. Nothing I write seems to express how emotional and deeply personal the experience was for me. This is the best I can do…

The evening started off fun! I met Stacy for dinner at Tup Tim Thai and we had a lovely evening catching up! I felt completely fine. Later that evening, I felt a small rush of fluids. Nothing big (a couple tablespoons at best). I just chalked it up to weird pregnancy stuff (which happens a lot). Then it happened again about 20 minutes later. By the 3rd or 4th “rush” I started to get nervous. This just didn’t seem normal. Derek was convinced that I was overreacting, and I figured I probably was too. Regardless, I called the nurse hotline. They told me that it was probably nothing, but that I should come in just to be safe. So we jumped in the car, determined to make it a quick trip.

To my surprise they told me to get comfortable because I would not be leaving the hospital until the baby was born (so much for having a bag packed and being ready)! My water had broke. They explained that in cases of a premature rupture there is increased risk of infection. That being said, it was still important for the baby to stay put and develop. The ideal situation would be for me to hold out until 34 weeks at which point they would induce. However, if I started laboring sooner than 34 weeks they wouldn’t stop it. On Wednesday night when I checked into the hospital I was 32 weeks and 5 days

By 3pm the next day I started going into labor. I was completely panicked – it was too soon. What happened to my week-long hospital stay?!? SCARY! I’m not going to go into too many details here, but I labored and labored and pushed and pushed. And finally after being in labor for 15 hours the doctor determined that I had the wrong pelvis shape to deliver the baby. A c-section was ordered. About 20 minutes later (at 6:23am Friday morning), my beautiful daughter Jolie was born. She surprised us all and tipped the scale at 5lb 2oz and 18 inches which is huge for a 33 week old baby. Jolie spent the next 34 days in the NICU and came home with us on January 18th.

Jolie’s birth and subsequent NICU stay was the single most emotional and trying time in my life. I was completely unprepared for the intense love and deep anxiety that goes along with having a preemie. There is just no way to prepare for it. We were so lucky to have a wonderful medical care team and a strong support system in our friends and family. Thank you to everyone who called, texted, visited, prayed, etc – we are eternally grateful. I do have a couple people I’d like to thank individually.

Dr. Cricket Davenport (OBGYN) and Dr. Andrew Beckstrom (Neonatologist) – Thank you for your compassion and strong leadership. When you’re faced with traumatic situations, you want confident and competent doctors – which you were. We deeply appreciated you taking control of the situation while carefully explaining what was happening to us. Thank you for delivering my healthy baby girl.

Barb the NICU Nurse – There will always be a place in my heart for you. You were the first person who let me hold my daughter and you were our biggest advocate to release Jolie from the NICU. You were always there with words of encouragement, practical advice and hugs when we needed them. I will forever be grateful to you.

My sister – I will never be able to thank you enough for your support. Sitting with me by Jolie’s crib for hours. Keeping me company. Driving me around. Making me eat. Listening to me cry (which I’m sure got old).Celebrating her milestones. And snuggling with the boot when I couldn’t be there.  I can honestly say I would have never gotten through it without you.

My mom – Who shows me by example everyday how to be a good mom. We are so thankful for all your constant love and support.

Derek – I didn’t think it was possible to love you more than I did, but I do. I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive and involved husband. You were such a pillar of strength for me – never once getting frustrated with my never-ending flood of tears. My heart grows every time I see you with our daughter; she adores you. And we are both lucky to have you.

Jolie – My sweet baby boots. You are so amazing – thank you for being such a fighter!  You have brought so much joy to our lives and I cannot imagine life without you. I’m excited to see you experience all the wonderful things that life has to offer. I’m honored to be your mother.

Here are some of Jolie’s first photos. She looks so different now, it’s hard to believe she was ever so small and fragile.

04
May
12

i’m back.

After much internal debate, I’ve decided to continue to blog. Even though I’m really short on time (and sleep) these days, it seems worth it. I love having a record of my life. Being able to look back and reflect on all the good times.  That being said, it’s a little daunting now that so much time has passed. How do I possibly sum up the last 5 months?!?  Where do I start?

I guess I’ll just jump right in. On December 16th, we had a baby! Her name is Jolie and I absolutely adore her. I’m brimming with love and beaming with pride. The story of her birth is something that I want to record and share, but it’s long and emotional and deserves its own post. I was lucky enough to spend 16 weeks off work with her and I have just recently returned to work. I’m not going to lie – it’s been hard. Part of me is happy to rejoin a world where showers are a daily occurrence and there is activity to stimulate my brain. The other part of me is aching for Jolie. I’m afraid that I’m missing out. Scared that I won’t be the one that she seeks out when she needs comforting. Terrified that someday I may regret the decision to work.  I feel like I’m trying to do a million things and I’m not doing anything well. I could go on and on about this club that I’ve joined – the working mom club. It’s a club that you cannot relate to until you’ve joined.

One thing that has made it easier to return to work is that my  husband is taking 8 weeks off to stay home with the boot. It’s been a much easier transition for me than if we were already taking her daycare. And she LOVES being at home with her dad. But daycare D-day is quickly approaching and is looming in the back of my head. The good news is that Jolie will only be going to daycare 3 days a week and we feel really comfortable and very excited about our daycare situation. I couldn’t be more pleased with the daycare itself – I think it’s going to be perfect.

Over and out for now. It’s good to be back.

28
Nov
11

updates.

I have not posted in SO long, I feel so guilty. And there is simply no excuse. I don’t even know where to begin. Here we go…

  • Only 10 weeks left of being pregnant. I’m getting pretty big and sleep is starting to become a challenge. Overall, the pregnancy has been a breeze. I feel SO lucky! One small blip (at least I’m hoping it’s small), is that my white blood cell count has been elevated for the past month or so. Usually, a high WBC count would indicate some kind of infection, but I feel fine and have no signs of infection. It’s got the doctors stumped and me a little worried. They are sending my results to a hematologist this week to see if they have any useful insights.  
  • We had Thanksgiving at my mom’s house this year. It was delicious and tons of fun. I absolutely LOVE Thanksgiving.
  •  This week is my golden birthday; I turn 30 on the 30th. I decided I’m going to have a much bigger celebration next year for my 31st, since the pregnancy has really put a damper on my drinking.
  • The nursery is coming along nicely. I’ve never put so much thought and effort into decorating a room. But it’s worth it – it’s looking great!  I want her to feel welcomed and have a nice space. Plus, it gives me something to focus on rather than freaking out about the upcoming delivery incessantly.
  • We bought a car – finally! As some of you know, neither of us had “kid friendly” vehicles. I drove a 2 door Honda (not ideal for schlepping a car seat in and out) and Derek drove a 2 door Toyota Tacoma truck.  After a long and thorough search, we ended up with the perfect vehicle for us! Now we just need to sell Derek’s truck!
  • Recently someone asked me if I was going to stay home with my baby. When I said that the baby would be going into daycare after 6 months, this person proceeded to tell me what a bad idea it was because I’m going to miss so much. Gee, I never thought of that. Thanks. I’ll just crawl into a hole and cry myself to sleep.
  •  We started Wednesday Night Dinners a few weeks ago, and it’s been awesome! I LOVE eating. 🙂
30
Oct
11

omg.

96 days until we have a baby! Ok, probably not exactly 96 days, but 96 days until my due date. It’s getting so close I can barely stand it! I hope she’s doing ok. I’m so excited to meet her.

20
Oct
11

books.

While I really did enjoy the novel Uncle Tom’s Cabin, it took me a really long time to get through (basically all summer). I think it was hard because the vernacular was challenging. In some parts I literally had to say the words out-loud to figure out what they were saying. Because I spent so much time getting through that book, I feel like I haven’t read as many books this year. And then today I went to add a few books to my 2011 booklog and I was pleasantly surprised. I don’t mean to pat myself on the back, but I’ve read quite a few books this year! Way to go KB.

On a somewhat related note, I started reading Sarum today (which is supposed to be quite the saga) and I’m a little scared. The story begins with the last ice age. Who starts a story with the ice age and works their way up to 20th century England? Talk about intense. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

18
Oct
11

fall fun.

Sunday evening we had the perfect fall evening with my sister and brother in law. We carved pumpkins, drank apple cider and ate soup! Can you guess which pumpkin is mine, Derek’s, Stan’s and Ale’s?

13
Oct
11

i’m THAT lamo.

I distinctly remember when the Fugees came out with the song “Killing me Softly”. I think it was the summer between 7th and 8th grade and I LOVED it (like play-it-on-repeat “loved it”).  Every time it came on the radio, every adult would say “oh, this version is not nearly as good as the original”. Unfailingly. And I’d roll my eyes and think, “You’re so lame. That version is so old school, you don’t know anything.”

Someone has made the unfortunate decision to remake the movie “Footloose”. I haven’t seen it, but based on the LAME movie trailer, I can pretty much guarantee that it pales in comparison to the original version. And there you have it. I’ve become one of THOSE people. Old.  It reminds me of the day I made a causal reference to the movie “Clueless” and my stepsister (who is only 8 or 9 years younger than me) looked at me with a complete blank stare. She’d never seen “Clueless”. Excuse me? Isn’t that a classic? That’s like saying you’ve never seen “The Sound of Music”. Just call me the lame, old lady.

On a completely unrelated note, I just realized that my last two posts have been about movie trailers. I think this is a sign I’m watching too much TV, or I need to buck up for DVR.

10
Oct
11

bloody mary.

I’m a pretty grounded person.  I don’t harbor a ton of childish or illogical fears (clowns, witches, vampires, monsters, etc). My fears center around life and how it will unfold. I’m scared of becoming old, helpless, lonely and irrelevant. I’m fearful that my loved ones will get sick. I’m nervous I won’t be a good mom. You get the gist.

That being said, I have a completely irrational fear of looking into mirrors in the dark. I know it’s ridiculous. To this day, I still avoid looking at a mirror when the lights are out. I attribute this fear to two events in my childhood. 1) My cousins used to try to “reach” their dead brother by locking themselves (and me) in the bathroom, turning off the lights and calling his name. 2) The kids in my elementary school were obsessed with Bloody Mary. The older kids would turn off the lights in the bathroom when the younger kids were in there and would start chanting “bloody mary” (3x of course). Ummmm….scary? I think so.

This irrational fear has recently resurfaced because there is a movie trailer on tv with two little girls saying “bloody mary” in the mirror, and then a dark figure appears. OMG.  I’m freaking out just thinking about it. PLEASE make it stop!!

07
Oct
11

nursery.

I’m thinking along these lines for our nursery! Coral and white (not so much the fake dog in the corner) and a big white tree decal (see photo below). It’s so exciting!

27
Sep
11

ewww.

This is SO gross to me. I hope you aren’t eating at any of the RED flagged places!

19
Sep
11

tickled pink.

We had an ultrasound today and….drum roll please….. it’s a girl! Even more importantly, she appears to be healthy and is on track developmentally. She was super active and was moving around a lot. Oh, she’s also a thumb sucker! We’re so excited!




a blog for anyone, but mostly for me.