I’d like to preface this post with the following:

1)      I am not the Grinch. I do have a heart.

2)      Growing up we had two dogs, Sammy and Trixie Melin.

3)      In 3rd grade, I was walking to my piano teacher’s house for my lesson and a big, stray, black dog latched onto my ass and bit me. When my piano teacher’s husband found out, he marched out of the house with his rifle and shot the dog.

4)      To be clear, I do not hate dogs. I like dogs. I hate dog owners who are stupid.

I am sure that I’m going to get slaughtered with hate mail for this post, but I don’t care. Here it goes. I really wish people would be more considerate and not force their dogs on me. There is a reason why I don’t own a dog, I don’t want one. Here is my list of grievances.

1)      Fenced dogs that bark all day while the owners are at work. Could there be anything more obnoxious and nerve-rattling? Why do I have to listen to your dog bark all day?

2)      Owners who think that the “All dogs must be leashed” signs don’t apply to them. Umm…can you read? Inevitably, the unleashed dog heads right for me. The owners smile and say, “Oh, he’s friendly.” Thanks. I didn’t ask. The sign doesn’t say “All unfriendly dogs must be leashed.”

3)      Pooping dogs. It is so awkward when you’re walking down the sidewalk and a dog is taking giant dump right next to it. It’s just gross and totally awkward. I don’t want to watch ANYTHING take a huge crap. And I know the owners are embarrassed too because they always avert their eyes and pretend to be really interested in the nearby shrubbery. EWW. And then they have to pick it up in a baggie and you know it’s still warm. EWWW.

4)      Dogs in grocery stores or restaurants (service dogs aside). This is just completely unacceptable and wrong on so many levels. First of all, I don’t want to smell wet dog or hear barking while I’m picking out my produce thank you very much. Second of all, I think it’s dangerous. What if I’m allegoric to dogs? Or what if your dog bites a child? It’s becoming so common in Seattle that I’m tempted to get into a fight with a dog at Safeway so that I can sue the hell out of Safeway. Then they’ll have to change (or start enforcing) their dog policies.

And Ams, I DO brake for puppies! 🙂

4 Responses to “dogs.”

  1. 1 AMS
    April 18, 2011 at 8:45 am

    I was preparing my rebuttal but then I saw the last line, and figured I’d let it slide…I actually agree with you on the majority of the points. The only two I have to disagree with are 3 and partially 4. I disagree with 3 because everybody poops, dogs included, and as long as people pick it up…it’s better than having a bird take a dump on your head as your walking down the street…. I agree with 4 in most ways especially in regards to the grocery store…however I don’t think there’s any problem in dogs being in outside areas of restaurants….in fact, the beach cafe in Kirkland does a doggie happy hour outside in the summer and it’s so much fun!

    But as longs as you continue to break for, and not kick puppies we are cool.

  2. 2 Kara
    April 18, 2011 at 9:00 am

    I, for one, really enjoy dogs, but I agree wholeheartedly with your grievances. Barking dogs are annoying, pooping dogs are gross, unleashed dogs in public areas are inappropriate, and inconsiderate dog owners should be fined. With that said, I’m a sucker for a cuddly puppy any day of the week- as long as it belongs to someone else. If you ever come across one that doesn’t shed, doesn’t bark, and doesn’t poop all over the place please let me know. I’ll be the first in line to buy it!

  3. 3 Mary
    April 18, 2011 at 10:59 am

    I totally agree with you and I have two dogs. I never let my dogs go up to other people when we are out. I don’t really want someone else’s dog all over me so why would I let it happen to someone else? I have had loose Huskies jump up on me on a trail so I spent the rest of the day with paw prints all over the front of my shirt. Thanks. Your last point I totally agree with. Hello – your dog can’t sit in the car while you shop in the grocery store? I do not believe a service dog would have a special seat in the grocery cart. Actually the special seat was a grocery cart seat for babies so they don’t have to sit on or touch the cart and get germs. I do not believe a service dog would be such a high strung breed that it is shaking and so nervous in public. I too could get a service dog vest for my basset hound. Okay got that off my chest. Nice post!

  4. 4 vicki
    April 19, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    OH. MY. GOSH. You have so hit a major nerve ending of mine. I have grown from tolerating dogs to just about hating all of them. My neighborhood changed personalities over the course of a year; people moving out and new people moving in. And ALL dang one of them have STUPID dogs. At one house they stand on the couch and bark their fool heads off at the window. Pit bulls that want your throat, just because you had the nerve to get out of the car at your own house. The next door neighbor; a fence charger/barker/idiot. (The ‘fence’ is a string of sloppy chicken wire) and an old dog who has walked the grass off nearly the whole back yard. We are going to need to build a fence between us this summer, as their back yard, once so sweet, now looks like crap. Oh, the list goes on. My dear husband even talks of moving, and we LOVE our house! I detest animals in the grocery store– honestly! The nerve! I too have considered my reaction. I’m thinking of a noisy ‘allergic’ reaction in which they have to go get someone. Really, a kid is going to get bit, and then the store might decide to enforce the rules. I think we should all mention it to the manager. AND fill out comment cards. As you can see, you really touched a raw nerve with me. What else can we do? You can’t legislate good sense, or good manners, if you could I’d vote for it twice.

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