Archive for February, 2010

28
Feb
10

books!

I just ordered a few new books –yay!

1)      Prep – Curtis Sittenfield

I just finished reading another book by this author (thanks Halie!): it’s called American Wife and it’s loosely based on the life of a well-known political figure. For someone who detests politics, I have to say, I really enjoyed the story. I’m still trying to figure how much of the story is fictional, but regardless, it does make you think twice about the famous/public people you *think you know. It’s worth reading – I liked it.

2)      Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy

I did my high school senior thesis on Anna Karenina and I’m embarrassed to admit that I don’t remember very much of it (although I DO remember loving it). I’ve been wanting to reread it for years. I can’t wait. I hope I’m not disappointed.

3)      The Unnamed – Joshua Ferris

This is a bookclub book. And when I say “bookclub”, I mean getting together with a group of friends so we can drink, catch up and not discuss the book. 🙂  LOVE IT!

23
Feb
10

anxious.

I keep catching myself – jaws clenched, shoulders/neck tense and a jittery anxious feeling.  It’s that feeling I used to get in college on Sunday mornings when I knew I had a ton of homework and tests to study for. But why? I can’t pinpoint the source of my anxiety. It’s just there. Hanging over my head. Lingering.

I think I’ll take a shower, sip some tea and read in bed. Sounds perfect.

18
Feb
10

olympics.

I love the Olympics so much. It’s good, clean competition with crazy talented athletes. Everyone supports their country – politics aside.

If you could compete in the Olympics, what sport would you choose? (Note: this is hypothetical,  you don’t have to be good at this sport in real life – it’s a game). For the winter Olympics, I think I would choose ice dancing. Ha – not! I’d pick something cool like snowboarding or speed skating. For summer Olympics, I’d choose beach volleyball or high diving. You?

16
Feb
10

parking garage lessons.

I’m lucky enough to work downtown and have a paid parking spot in my office. Crazy huh?! Don’t ask me how THAT happened! Every day the parking garage management team posts a saying/phrase to read when you enter/exit the garage. It’s a nice touch. Today, the sign read the following:

Be grateful for what you have – while you work towards what you want.

This feels so relevant to my life right now. I’m getting antsy to be in a bigger living space and own a house. I’m constantly looking on Redfin to check out the homes that are just out of my reach. It’s torture. I’m not looking for anything huge or fancy. A small, old, 2-bedroom, single family home with a cute yard, large kitchen and ample storage space would be perfect. Oh, the meals I could make with a bigger kitchen. The plants I would grow in a yard. And the sleep I would get without the noise that accompanies apartment living.  <<Insert a gigantic sigh here.>>

The truth is we are just not in a position to buy a home right now – it doesn’t matter how bad I want it. We aren’t. And even more disappointing, it may be a few years before we are. It’s not that I’m unhappy with where we are at. I want to be clear: I AM HAPPY. But there is an annoying part of me who wants to move up, evolve, improve…progress. And it’s that part of me that is struggling.

On the flip side, there is a youthful part of me (let’s call her Kindy-Mindy) that is relieved not to be tied to a mortgage in this economic climate. I’m not looking at how my home has devalued and I’m not stressing about foreclosures or unemployment. Kindy-Mindy reminds me that I’m only 28 – and that owning a home is for grown-ups. Kindy-Mindy still sleeps in until 11am on weekends and has been known to throw up from drinking too much. Home owners have to be responsible and wake up early on weekends to mow the lawn. Kindy-Mindy tells me that if I owned a home, Thailand for 17 days would have been completely out of the question.  Kindy-Mindy says I have my whole life to own a house.

On the other hand, I tend to be a tad ambitious. A Driven-Debbie if you will. Ambition is an interesting characteristic to have. It has both good and bad implications. I wouldn’t be where I am today without Debbie. I’ve always been driven. Always. For the most part, I think my ambition has served me well. On the other hand, it’s a slippery slope. I’m terrified I’m going to turn into one of those unhappy people who are never satisfied with what they have and are always longing for more. You know the type. It seems like a miserable existence – empty and discontented.

The bottom line is that I need to keep reminding myself that we ARE progressing. Buying a house is only one small piece of the puzzle. Perhaps I can pacify Debbie with a different goal?  Maybe I’m feeling this way because I’ve been in this particular apartment for so long. Maybe I just need a change of scenery. Regardless, I will try to be thankful for what I have now. And live in the moment a little bit more.  And remind myself that I already have everything I need.  Thanks parking garage management team!

(Also, I think I should start hanging out more often with this Kindy-Mindy character. She sounds like one cool chick!)

09
Feb
10

modern family.

Per the recommendation of Stan and Shelby, I just watched ABC’s Modern Family. In fact, I just finished watching 5 episodes in a row. It was actually really funny! I laughed out loud several times. I like the characters. If you’re bored, you can watch it on abc.com.

07
Feb
10

goodbye.

Dear Karen –

I started drafting this letter in my head last week when I learned of the tragic news, but tonight I realized that I’ve been drafting it for the past nine years.  I have few regrets in my life – true regrets.  But I have a few that involve you. And now I’m too late to make it right. My opportunity is gone, because you are gone.

Karen, I am so sorry that I wasn’t more upfront with you and I’m sorry that you had to find out from someone else. I should have told you myself. I knew that you would be heartbroken that we were dating, and I wasn’t even sure if it was going anywhere. Why upset you if it turned out to be nothing? I realize now how selfish that was.  I tried to apologize at the time, but I’m not sure you really heard me.

More than that though, I will never forgive myself for not fighting harder for our friendship. I let you just slip out of my life. Friends have fights and hurt each other all the time; it happens. We had fought before and recovered. Maybe it was because I was in San Diego, and you were in Bellingham. Maybe it was because you weren’t over him. Maybe it was because we were both too stubborn. Whatever it was, it happened – our friendship dissolved. And I didn’t fight for us. And for that, I’m truly sorry.

I think about how things should have been different for you. I’m not narcissistic enough to think that this event somehow changed your life or really impacted it very much at all. I know you were fighting bigger demons – but WHAT IF? What if we had stayed friends?  Would you still have lost your way? Could I have made a difference? Or helped you to love yourself more? I’ll never know.

I don’t have a high school memory that doesn’t include you. So many memories – so many laughs. We sure had fun. We were so young, but thought we were so old. I’m a better person for having known you. I hope your son will remember how passionate, vibrant and beautiful you were.

We were going to see the pyramids together. Someday I’ll make it there for you. I hope you have found peace.

Spindra

04
Feb
10

2010 goals.

Ok, I realize it’s February and it’s taken me a while to formulate my goals for 2010, but I wanted to get them right. Or I’m just lazy and didn’t want to put the thought/time into it. Decide for yourself. Regardless, here they are:

Stop wasting food even if that means going to the grocery store more frequently.

Change the Brita water filter.

Host a memorable wedding that is uniquely ours.

Set a weekly workout plan (I’ll elaborate on this more  in an upcoming post).

Be more consistent with my vitamins.

Experiment with more vegetarian recipes.




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