Stan (my sis): What are you up to today?
Me: Not much. I started my first personal training session today.
Stan: Oh really? I didn’t know you were doing that. That’s cool.
Me: Yeah, I’m also going through a bunch of photos from college to find “skinny Kindra” photos. I’m posting them all over my apartment with a note that says “Go to the gym!” It’s to remind myself how great I can look.
Stan: Uh, that sounds like a really great way to develop an eating disorder.
Me: Perfect; that sure would make it easier!
Ok, not really; I was kidding about the eating disorder. But, I have enrolled myself in personal training and I did pull out the photos. I’m trying to mix-up my workout and stay motivated. It’s hard. I’m not fat, and in reality I’m not even sure I’m classified as “over-weight”. Regardless, I’m not happy with my body right now and it’s been monopolizing a lot of my brain power and energy lately.
The overly self-confident feminist side of me hates that I’m doing this. I don’t want to be that girl that focuses on weight and outward appearances. It’s just annoying to be that person. I should focus on the things that are truly important in life – not weight. I feel like I owe it to all the women and young girls of the world to accept the body I’ve been given and to project a healthy self-imagine.
However, the other side of me (the hard-working, go-getter) is urging me to stop wasting time and get to the gym! Stop thinking about how you aren’t happy and DO something about it. You’ll look (and more importantly) feel better. This is just another goal to be reached. Set the objective, develop a plan of attack…and then attack!
Deep down though, I know I can have it all. The two “sides of me” that I’ve described aren’t mutually exclusive. I can be both! And so, I’ve started the personal training. Ultimately, I believe that when you holistically feel better about yourself (in all areas of life), you are more productive, creative and balanced. I’m hoping I can come to some peace with this whole body image thing and MOVE ON to bigger and better goals. But, for now you can find me at the gym!
PS – I would like to point out that this struggle was made harder yesterday when Derek announced he was embarking on 4,500 calories per day diet to gain weight. Awesome.