02
Apr
08

When I grow up

I’m going to be a doctor. An Olympic swimmer. A professional skateboarder. There are people out there who were born knowing their passion and their future occupation. I’m not one of those people. I envy those people. It’s such a blessing to be born with a unique skill and a strong passion that shapes your life. What do I have? I’m good at a lot of things, but I’m not exceptional at any one thing. I’m well-rounded. Where does that leave me?

As I move through my 20s, I’m struggling with what I want to “do” with my life. Unfortunately, I’m extremely fragmented. I want to be a writer. I want to start my own business. I want go back to school. I have so many ideas and see so many opportunities. But I never act on them, or if I do I only “half” act on them. I never dive in head first; instead I approach the pool and test the cold water and then pull out. The responsible and cautious side of me always wins.

Part of my problem is that I don’t entirely trust myself. My ideas and excitement levels fluctuate so much that it’s hard to decipher a crazy idea from an idea I truly believe in. I feel like I should “just know” when I have a THE plan. The clouds will part and I will suddenly have clear direction. But that hasn’t happened yet. Does that mean I haven’t had a winning idea yet?

I want my work to be meaningful and fulfilling. I don’t want to be one of those 60 year olds who are saying, “I’m 60 and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.” Although I can certainly relate, I find it kind of pathetic. Are they in that position because they never took a risk? Because they never found their passion? Or is it because some people are constantly changing and are never content where they are at?

Clearly I don’t have the answer. For all you firefighters out there that have known your life’s calling from day-one, consider yourself lucky. I hope I figure out mine someday. I would prefer sooner than later.

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a blog for anyone, but mostly for me.

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