Change is a weird thing. I’m sure everyone can relate to this. Perhaps it’s your brother, daughter or childhood friend.  A loved one who chose a life path that shocked you. The path you least expected. They “changed”.  

I recently met up with a friend who has morphed into a woman that I could have never predicted.  She has changed. Certainly not in a bad way – just different from what I expected. After our meeting I started wondering, how could she change so much? Is she betraying herself?

When I see her, I feel like nothing has changed. Same easy laugh. Same sparkling eyes. And the same warm heart. We slip into our familiar banter easily as if no time has passed at all. As if we were still best friends.  But in reality, a lot has changed for us both. We live very different lives.  She has chosen a path that feels foreign and extreme to me.  And conversely, I’m sure my life seems unfulfilling and slightly trivial to her. Despite that, we remain friends. We can still relate to one another.  We have changed and yet we are still the same. 

After much thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that she hasn’t “changed”. Life isn’t black and white – there is a lot of gray mixed in there. This lifestyle and these beliefs have always been a part of her. But until recently she was suppressing them and hadn’t made room for them. She had allowed other facets of her personality to reign over her.  She hasn’t changed; she is just allowing a different part of her to shine through.

I’ve decided that it’s possible to “change” without denying or betraying oneself, because it’s not really changing. Rather it’s allowing different ideals, goals, and personality traits come forward and develop. People are complex. We each harbor our own conflicting beliefs, inconsistent personality traits and mismatched priorities. As we move through life, different versions of ourselves emerge – some of these versions are predictable and some of them are unexpected.

*A special note to “my friend”: I know you read my blog and I’m sure you’ve deduced that you inspired this entry. I hope I didn’t offend you in any way – I hold you in the highest regard and value our friendship.  I’m so happy for you and I trust that you have chosen the right path for yourself.

3 Responses to “change”

  1. 1 That Friend
    February 11, 2008 at 9:17 am

    Hello friend,

    As you already know, you’re writing amazes me and I wish I had the patience and skill to write as eloquently. And quite surely you have put into words what I have been feeling for years. No offense taken, in fact I think you’ve managed to encompass the truth. I think some lives are destined for a direction totally off course from where they were going. And I’m grateful for the change in mine.

    You are following a path very different from mine but equally as important for you right now. I don’t think it trivial at all. Different timing and different plans.

    You inspire me and always have, if I recall correctly…You’re the wood and I’m the saran wrap?

  2. 2 kb
    February 11, 2008 at 11:18 am

    From Kindra: Yes, I am the wood and you are the seran wrap – too funny. The more I think about that joke of ours, the more it’s sounding like a “man thing” (as my mother would say) and a condom. I guess that makes me the penis. Eww.

    Thanks for commenting – it means a lot. I almost didn’t post this entry, but now I’m glad I did.

  3. 3 Derek
    February 11, 2008 at 10:23 pm

    I was just thinking how funny it would be if Kindra was like, “ummm…sorry, but I was actually writing about someone else. But ya wood and seran deal is pretty funny. Good to hear from you.”

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