01
Feb
08

crazy neighbors update

Ding Dong the witch is dead! I am happy to announce that the psychos that lived above me are now gone. HOORAY!! I can’t even describe how elated I am. I emailed the following complaint to my landlord about 2 months ago and I thought I would share because it’s kind of funny how worked-up I was. Sorry, I know it’s long.

Dear XXXX,

I’m writing to complain about the residents above me (apartment #XX). I’ve been wanting to write this email for a long time, but I’ve restrained myself. I finally realized that I have to tell you guys about this, or you’ll never know.

My biggest complaint is the constant, non-stop stomping. These people stomp around in circles all night long. From the time I get home, into the early hours of the morning. They stomp around – back and forth. I don’t know what they could possibly be doing just walking back and forth, back and forth. The worst part about the stomping is that it’s so fierce it shakes and rattles all of the light fixtures in my apartment. I can’t emphasize the stomping and rattling enough. As I type this email, someone up there is pacing from one end of the apartment to the other end, over and over. You would think they would tire after a couple hours of pacing, but no! They never stop.

My second complaint is their daily routine of feeding the seagulls and crows. The throw food off of their balcony over onto the roof of the new place, which creates an instant bird frenzy. Now, the birds are so used to it, they just perch out there and cry until they get food. It’s annoying; it’s not healthy for the birds; and it’s creating a huge mess of bird crap on all of our balconies and windows. If you look on the roof of the new building, you’ll see it is covered in bird shit – which I’m sure the owners appreciate. Oh, and I almost forgot the best part, he talks to them. He sits out on his balcony and has conversations with the birds.

My third complaint is their 5am sex ritual. I’m not kidding. They do not have sex any other time of the day/night- except 5am in the morning. Who has sex at 5am? It wakes me up (over my fan and over my earplugs). They are on some serious drugs.

My last complaint is they always seem to be moving furniture. I hear frequent crashes, bangs, wall shakes, etc. that lead me to believe they are banging furniture against the walls.

By the way, those are just my 4 biggest complaints – there are more, but I won’t bore you with all of them. They are horrible neighbors. I would go up there and talk to them in person, except they are totally crazy. I’m sure they are abusing drugs and/or running a meth lab up there. I pay a lot of money to live here. It’s not like we are living in a slum where I would expect to be dealing with this. Anytime I’m away for a weekend I’m nervous they’ll burn the place down.

Is there any chance their lease is up soon? Do you have enough strikes against them to terminate their lease? I think we all remember the damage from the water/flooding incident. I have put up with this for 9 months now. You can’t possibly want them as tenants; I can only imagine what their apartment looks like.

Thanks.

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