Generally speaking, I try not to make big sweeping generalizations like “all dogs stink” or “all frat boys are cocky assholes”, but I think I may have found a generalization that I’m willing to support and standby: Washington State Ferry workers are the grouchiest, most unpleasant bunch of people I’ve ever met.

There, I said it. I feel like I’m qualified to make this assessment because having grown up on the Peninsula and living on Bainbridge, I’ve been riding the ferry for years. I even commuted daily to Seattle from Bainbridge for a year. I have never met a pleasant ferry worker. They are always scowling, taking themselves way too seriously and being rude to commuters and unhelpful to tourists. If they think you are driving too fast or if you have your headlights on, they will CUSS you out. They love nothing more than to crucify people for this. And don’t even think about accidentally parking in the wrong lane.

Let me give you a few examples:

Example #1

Ferry workers are total control freaks. You would think they were in the FBI the way they boss people around and act like they are hot shit. Let’s be honest, they are human stop lights. They tell cars where to park, when to stop, when to go and when to turn off their headlights. All of these tasks can be accomplished with either a stop light or a road sign. And yet there are more ferry workers per passenger than there are teachers per student in your child’s school. Go figure.

Anyways, back to example #1. The other day, I drove onto the boat. They pointed me in the general direction – this isn’t my first rodeo, I’ve done this before. I pulled up about a foot from the car in front of me and parked. Done – turned the engine off. As I was getting out of the car, one of the ferry workers walked up and INSISTED that I get back in my car and pull forward six inches. WHAT?!? Are you crazy? It wasn’t even a full boat! Jerk.

Example #2

Random story. My mom is a regular commuter. She commutes from Bainbridge Island to Bellevue everyday (it’s crazy, I know). One summer day, she was riding the ferry and had her bare feet kicked out the car window. As she often does, she fell asleep and took advantage of the extra time for a little nap. She woke up because one of the ferry workers was tickling her bare feet. EWWWW.

Example #3

During the summer, it’s common to get a lot of tourists riding the ferries. Most of the time, they are riding to Bainbridge and then riding right back to Seattle. The tourists don’t know that they have to “disembark the vessel” when they get to Bainbridge. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen ferry workers treat the tourists like they are the biggest idiots because they are confused by this.

 

For anyone who thinks this sounds like a good gig, successful Washington State Ferry workers:

• Display a permanent frown and enjoy going out of their way to be rude.
• Have an uncanny ability to get worked-up over minor things.
• Enjoy standing around with coworkers.
• Have a family member that already works for the Washington State Ferry system.
• Enjoy making unsolicited passes at passengers.
• Mullets are preferred.