goodbye.

Dear Karen -

I started drafting this letter in my head last week when I learned of the tragic news, but tonight I realized that I’ve been drafting it for the past nine years.  I have few regrets in my life – true regrets.  But I have a few that involve you. And now I’m too late to make it right. My opportunity is gone, because you are gone.

Karen, I am so sorry that I wasn’t more upfront with you and I’m sorry that you had to find out from someone else. I should have told you myself. I knew that you would be heartbroken that we were dating, and I wasn’t even sure if it was going anywhere. Why upset you if it turned out to be nothing? I realize now how selfish that was.  I tried to apologize at the time, but I’m not sure you really heard me.

More than that though, I will never forgive myself for not fighting harder for our friendship. I let you just slip out of my life. Friends have fights and hurt each other all the time; it happens. We had fought before and recovered. Maybe it was because I was in San Diego, and you were in Bellingham. Maybe it was because you weren’t over him. Maybe it was because we were both too stubborn. Whatever it was, it happened – our friendship dissolved. And I didn’t fight for us. And for that, I’m truly sorry.

I think about how things should have been different for you. I’m not narcissistic enough to think that this event somehow changed your life or really impacted it very much at all. I know you were fighting bigger demons – but WHAT IF? What if we had stayed friends?  Would you still have lost your way? Could I have made a difference? Or helped you to love yourself more? I’ll never know.

I don’t have a high school memory that doesn’t include you. So many memories – so many laughs. We sure had fun. We were so young, but thought we were so old. I’m a better person for having known you. I hope your son will remember how passionate, vibrant and beautiful you were.

We were going to see the pyramids together. Someday I’ll make it there for you. I hope you have found peace.

Spindra

2010 goals.

Ok, I realize it’s February and it’s taken me a while to formulate my goals for 2010, but I wanted to get them right. Or I’m just lazy and didn’t want to put the thought/time into it. Decide for yourself. Regardless, here they are:

Stop wasting food even if that means going to the grocery store more frequently.

Change the Brita water filter.

Host a memorable wedding that is uniquely ours.

Set a weekly workout plan (I’ll elaborate on this more  in an upcoming post).

Be more consistent with my vitamins.

Experiment with more vegetarian recipes.

the list.

Anyone who has planned a wedding, can tell you that the HARDEST part is finalizing the guest invite list. Choosing a venue, selecting the caterer, writing the vows….all a cake-walk (or pie-walk in our case), compared to deciding who to invite. It’s excruciating.

It should be an easy decision. Make a list of the people you want to see when you’re walking down the aisle. But it’s complicated. Really complicated.  There are many factors to consider. How many people does the venue hold? What is the budget? How much fall-out will you have?  Where do you draw the line? Which family do you invite? Do you invite small kids (btw – our caterer doesn’t give a discount for kids – it’s highway robbery!). Do you allow everyone to bring a guest (even if they aren’t in a committed relationship)? What about coworkers?

Inevitably there will be hurt feelings (mine not excluded).

today.

A few noteworthy points in my day:

Today Stacy and I went out to lunch at Arby’s for old time’s sake. We looked so out of place in our work clothes, it was comical. Seriously, other patrons were staring.

Tonight I found this save-the-date video. Don’t get me wrong, it’s way cool (and I’m totally jealous that I didn’t think of it), but this couple must have a lot of time on their hands. It’s quite the production.

I just finished a spin class. I haven’t gone to a spin class in awhile and I forgot how hard core it is…and how bad it hurts the prives. DANG.

sleepy in seattle.

I have a question for y’all. At what age do you stop sleeping in? Furthermore, at what age do you stop sleeping through your alarm? Isn’t this something that a person should eventually out grow? When will I start waking up early on my own?

You know the feeling. The heart-seizing panic that sets in when you wake up and you realize you only have 20 minutes before you’re supposed to be at work. It’s flat out embarrassing. I’m 28 years-old, with a good job. And yet I’m still hitting my sleep button 5x a morning and rushing (very disheveled) out the door each morning! The scariest part is that I don’t even have children yet.  Ahhh! When will I grow up?!

to my friend…

I have a good friend who is going through something unimaginable. Truly life altering. I want to protect her privacy, so I won’t give away any details. But I assure you that her situation is heart wrenching.

While you might not know my friend, you probably know someone like her. Upbeat, strong and selfless. She would give you the shirt off her back…without question. And if the situation was reversed, she would know exactly what to do for me and how to console me. But the truth is, I don’t know what to do for her. I’m at a loss. I guess this post is my pathetic attempt to tell her how much I love her and how much I’m thinking about her.

If you are reading this, I want you to know how much I love you and admire your strength. Although we aren’t as close as we used to be – I still consider you to be one my closest and dearest friends. Derek and I will always be here for you. Always. My heart aches for you and I pray for a positive outcome to the situation you are faced with right now. I’m optimistic that everything will unfold as it should. I love you.

teaser.

Ok, I know I’m WAY overdue to post pics of Thailand. Here are a few to wet your whistle. I promise, more are coming.

dear phone company,

Please stop delivering phone books to my door. You send them way too frequently and I don’t use them. In fact, I don’t know anyone who uses them. My 80 year-old grandparents are online – get with the times. It’s a waste of space. A serious waste of paper. And is totally worthless. It’s not my fault you have an outdated business model. Here’s a little advice: you need to revise your business model to one that can succeed in a digital world. In the meantime, please stop making ME feel guilty about throwing my phonebook in the recycle bin.

KB

books, books, books

I was just updating my book log for 2009, and I thought I’d share my favorites and those I don’t think are worth reading. I highly recommend Lonesome Dove, Into Thin Air, Columbine and Three Cups of Tea (in that order). The weird part about my recommendation is that 75% of it is non-fiction – which is very unusual for me. You can skip the following books – they weren’t anything special: In The Woods, Vinegar Hill and Sarah’s Key. There are so many other good books out there, don’t waste your time with these duds.

Does anyone have any good book recommendations they want to share?

the most annoying thing ever.

Remember the vacuum cleaners of the 80s? You know, the ones with the retractable cords? They whipped the cords around with such force that you were scared the plug-in would hit you in the face and give you a black eye? Well, somewhere along the evolution of the vacuum cleaner, the retractable cords became obsolete. Why? They were brilliant. In fact, I’d like to see ALL electronics switch to retractable cords (blow dryers, curling irons, coffee pots, alarm clocks, etc). Cords are the bane of my existence. I hate them and they are everywhere. They get tangled, collect dust and look messy. Why do I have to look at them? Why can’t the excess cord be stored within the device? BRING BACK THE RETRACTABLE CORD (or develop a technology that eliminates cords all together)!  On a side note, did everyone else know that vacuum was spelled with two “u”s? How can I be this old and not know how to spell vacuum? I would have bet my life that it was spelled vacume. Oh well.

replacement gifts.

I’m proud to say that I have *most of my xmas shopping done. This year, I’ve been really efficient and purchased most of my items online from the comfort of home. However, a few of the items haven’t arrived yet. They seem to have gotten lost. The items were purchased on Dec 9^th with an estimated delivery date of Dec. 15^th. Perfect – plenty of time. Well, today is the 20^th. The last record of them from USPS was on Dec. 10^th in Lexington, KY. Even if they are found, there is NO way they will be here in time. Now I’m going to have to go out and buy “replacement” gifts, to make up for the gifts that haven’t shown up yet. Sigh. So much for being prepared.

xmas music.

There are a lot of things that the younger generation has mastered, but Xmas music is NOT one of them. Case and point. Today on my way to work I heard a Christmas song that made me cringe.

Chorus

I’d rather be hangin alone
Than makin out with Emma Stone
Yeah Id rather get a subpoena
Than kick it with Angelina
Yeah I’ll probably shed a few tears
If you mess up and send Britney Spears
So Santa for my gift, please send me Taylor Swift

This is a Christmas song?!?!  Give me a break. Turns out it’s called “Merry Swiftmas” by Evan Taubenfeld (whoever that is). Sorry Evan, it sucks and unfortunately there is a lot of competition in this arena. Frank Sinatra, Judy Garland, Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, Ella Fitzgerald, etc. I wish all the crappy new Christmas music created in the last decade would go away. I’ll take the classics.

i’m back.

The good news is that we had an AMAZING trip to Thailand. The bad news is we are still on Thailand time.

We returned home on Saturday afternoon and went to bed that night. After a good night sleep, we woke up at 5. A tad early, but overall pretty good. We were proud of ourselves – getting back on PST would be easier than we thought. As we were getting ready to start the day, Derek looked at his phone and had several missed calls. Weird. Who would be calling us throughout the night? I hope there isn’t an emergency. And then we realized.  No, it couldn’t be. Someone is playing a trick on us! It was 5pm on Sunday. We slept through the entire day – we completely missed Sunday. It was dark when we went to bed and dark when we got up. How is that possible?! While the rest of the world was Christmas shopping, going to church, watching football and grocery shopping…we were sleeping. It is such a weird feeling to have slept an entire day not waking up once. It boggles my mind. Needless to say we haven’t conquered the jet lag yet.

I will give details about our trip tomorrow. There is so much to tell, I’m not sure where to start!

guest blogger: what do you have to share?

I recently came across a study which indicated Seattle ranked #7 out of 273 US cities for online charitable giving in 2008. This made me smile as I love to hear and pass on great things about Seattle. We don’t fare as well in overall, offline generosity/donations, but I prefer to focus on the positive news. This got me thinking about the whole idea of giving and receiving, a timely topic for December. The studies I looked at measured charitable giving in terms of dollars donated to organizations, certainly important and necessary for the many in need right now and something I completely support. The studies didn’t measure the invaluable, individual act of doing. Doing for others may involve money, but more importantly includes the giving of our time, putting thought into it; planning it out, thinking about it, caring. In other words it requires more than writing the check. As a way to offer each other some ideas and share the untold value of an act of kindness, I’m wondering if any of you have a story about a good deed done for you or for someone you know that has stuck with you. Your story may plant an idea that we could do for another person. Think of it as a way to spread the giving. The key may not be the size of the deed, but the amount of care that went into it and the joy it brought to the recipient.

guest blogger: happy birthday kindra

Happy Birthday to Kindra!  Celebrate the great day you were born! (I hope you read your blog today.)

Guest Blogger: Goldfish Racing on Thanksgiving

This year we decided to add a different kind of entertainment to our Thanksgiving festivities. We had goldfish races! Kristen suggested it and John gathered all the needed equipment: 2 gutters filled with water and caps for each end to contain the water, small pump and heater to keep the water warm enough for the fish, a table for the gutters to sit on, 2 squirt bottles filled with water, and a goldfish for each person. We set up a single elimination tournament so 2 fish raced and the winner moved on to the next bracket. You may be wondering what we did with the squirt bottles. When you put your fish in the gutter to race, you use the squirt bottle to spray the water to create a kind of current to urge your fish to head in the right direction toward the finish line at the other end of the gutter. It was crazy fun and a hit with everyone – from the teenagers to the grandparents.
My dad won with mom coming in a close second. I will try and post some photos tomorrow. The only bummer was Kindra, Derek and Alec weren’t here to join in with us. So sad!
(Just so you know, the goldfish were not harmed in any way and have all been adopted out to good homes.)

guest blogger: the monster of florence

Recommending books to others is a risky business, at least for me. What I enjoy reading gives something away about me and I’m not always sure I’m ready to share. On the flip side of that, I selfishly love to ask others for their favorite read as it gives me a peak into something a bit more personal about them. However, I have a nagging feeling to spread the word about this nonfiction book. The Monster of Florence is a retelling of the on-going investigation of the serial killer that has haunted Florence since 1968. The authors, Douglas Preston and Mario Spezi, join forces in an attempt to find the horrific killer(s). This book is the suspenseful retelling of their search, loaded with Italian roadblocks and conflicting evidence. So, why do I recommend it and why now? Amanda Knox. It is not about her, but it gives you an insider’s view into Italian law and order well as the impact of media on the general public. I do not know if Amanda Knox is innocent or guilty and this is not an attempt to sway anyone’s opinion. I am just always amazed how the general public takes the news and media for the actual truth.

guest blogger: Kindra from her mom’s perspective

If you are a regular reader and/or Kindra’s friend, I thought you might be curious about Kindra’s young years. Here are a few anecdotes from her childhood.

I will never forget the time I overheard her and her little sister playing “house”. You can learn quite a bit about children if you listen to their play talk. Of course, since they mimic their parents, the lessons are really more about you as a parent. But, I digress. Kindra, always the little executive, and pretending she was the mother, announced to her make-believe family, “I’m going to the office and I have a meeting tonight.” I guess she was born with it.

Kindra loved to hang out with the adults as a child. Most of the time she would do it without us really noticing. When I did notice and told her to go play with the kids, she would eventually sneak back to eavesdrop on the conversation. She didn’t want to miss a beat.

When Kindra was in her later elementary years, she offered to help me with my busy schedule. Her suggestion was that I hire her as my assistant. You know, someone to keep track all of my appointments and responsibilities so I wouldn’t forget anything. It was in that same conversation she reminded me that my driver’s license was about to expire and needed to be renewed. I pondered how much I might pay her.

Kindra took her education very seriously – starting in kindergarten (I should know, as I was her kindergarten teacher). You can imagine her search for the perfect college. I believe she was a sophomore in high school when she announced to me that she had done research on colleges, figured out her requirements, and after an elimination process, had narrowed it down to 97 colleges. I just nodded and told her to keep narrowing.

If you’re a regular reader, you know camping is a big part of her life during the summer. I wasn’t surprised when she offered to email me her checklist for preparing for a camping trip. She didn’t miss a step. After she became engaged, she emailed me the link to the excel spreadsheet for the wedding planning.

Being Kindra’s mom is a privilege and a joy beyond what I ever imagined parenting would or could be.

Kindra writes the best thank-you notes – and the most.
She is an achiever – something I admire.
She plays hard, works hard and loves hard.
She inspires me.
She is easy to make laugh.
She loves sushi!
She is passionate.
She makes me feel like she is my biggest fan.

I am a better person because of my daughters. I think all along, from the moment they were born, they began raising me – I just pretended I was raising them.

give it up…

for our guest blogger – my mom. Take it away Mom!

sad.

Last night I watched two really disturbing shows on A&E. The first one was Intervention. I’ve seen this show before, but this episode was particularly horrible. The show followed an alcoholic mom with three children. Ok, I know I just described a million Americans, but the disturbing thing about this mom was that she drank a bottle of mouthwash a day. Apparently mouthwash has a lot of alcohol in it – I’ve never heard of people drinking mouthwash before. GROSS. Think about what that does to your body!! I seriously almost puked watching the show, it made me ill. The second show I watched was called Hoarders. This show followed a mother and her nine year-old son – both hoarders. This child was so emotionally attached to his stuff, that he had a complete emotional breakdown when they tried to throw away his “favorite cotton ball”. This seems like such a strange affliction for a child!

Seriously, what has the world come to? I think I should lay off the A&E for awhile.